It’s possible you missed the news because no official announcement was made, but Afghanistan is now our number-one war.
But that’s not the real news: The larger war—Afpakiraq–is never going to end. I’m making that announcement myself, because someone has to. We are now a nation permanently at war, so you may as well get used to it.
(Yes, Orwell prophesied it and Eisenhower warned us that having a huge military-industrial complex would lead to bad things. Fat lot of good that did.)
So far, the longest US war in history is Vietnam, which went eight years and five months. Seven months from now, Afghanistan will pass it. Think it won’t? Anyone want to take Vietnam and the points? Or would you like good odds on it ending in 2015? How about 2030? My money’s on the odds-on favorite…Never.
Here’s why, George Will notwithstanding:
1. Insurgents have no government so there’s no one to surrender even if they’re “losing,” which anyway has become almost an abstract concept. They can just go on blowing things up forever. Dying doesn’t bother them much either.
2. The governments we back (and their armies) are always either incompetent or oppressive (or both), corrupt and hated by the citizenry. Why this is I’m not sure; it just seems to be an unbreakable law. We’re always in the blowback business. We’re always raising the next generation of insurgents.
3. Afghans love war. They adore it. Always have. (Would’ve been nice had someone in authority here noticed this) Pakistan is a hideous, unknowable, roiling mess. Iraq, where we supposedly have won, sort of, is unstable, traumatized, Iran-influenced and unpredictable. You really think it’s going away?
4. Any faint hope by liberals that Obama would pull out of the morass is gone. If he isn’t going to quit, nobody is. Liberal or conservative, the US government votes for war. We’re so there.
So, what I’m thinking is, maybe we should look on the bright side of war. Stop being so glum and negative about it. Let’s embrace war and whoop gleefully about its many pluses:
War is exciting: We’ve always known this but in recent years it’s become politically incorrect to say so. Nothing else gets the adrenalin pumping like war. (And now, because we’re such a progressive society, young women too can experience its thrill!)
War gives aimless young people something to do: And at the same time eases the strain on the labor market. Also brightening the employment picture is the fact that civilian contractors in Afghanistan now outnumber troops—and they’re much better paid. Good news for our ailing economy.
War is no longer all that serious: An out-of-control conflict like WWII you worried you might actually lose. Now wars are so manageable, we don’t really have to think about them much at all. There’s no draft, hardly any protesting. They’re background music.
War provides good health care: The more people we have fighting in the military, the more can take advantage of good VA health services. Who knows if Obamacare will go through.
War is good for the entertainment industry: You can’t have every war movie being about plots to assassinate Hitler. You need fresh material. Here’s where Afghanistan will come into its own: Very dramatic scenery, exotic culture, drug lords…great material!
War teaches people to use guns properly: In a country awash in firearms, it’s comforting to know that many citizens be getting the benefits of military-weapons training, with its strong emphasis on safety and regular maintenance.
Do I need to go on? No. I sense you’re convinced so I’ll stop now.
