No, seriously. If you’re possessed of a fortune and of a certain age, you really should think about the advantages of kicking off in the next 12 months.
It is now 2010. (You probably heard.) Due to an absurd fluke in the tax laws, this year will provide your best expiration date for the foreseeable future. So why wait?
You see, the federal estate tax—which can snatch a sizable chunk of your ill-gotten hoard—went out of effect just as the ball dropped and the horns started to blow.
However…
Real big however coming up here…
The estate tax will (probably, in all likelihood, with any luck) go right back into effect January 1, 2011.
(For the boring and preposterous details, see the
Wall Street Journal’s and The
New York Times’ takes on the subject.)
What a wonderful window of opportunity this gives you, you rich older Americans! Has death ever looked more appealing? Shouldn’t you get on the Internet and start looking up things like “obtaining hemlock” and “how to knot a noose?”
Now you may be thinking my tone is gleefully malicious, a bit spiteful perhaps, or even, shall we say, suffused with a bitter, tendentious envy. Not at all. I’m thinking only of your beloved heirs, descendants and legatees. Don’t you want them to get your dough rather than the pernicious, grasping government bureaucrats who will no doubt redistribute it to indolent minorities, socialist drug dealers and illegal aliens?
Of course you do.
That’s why you need to die. For the sake of the children. And the grandchildren, those adorable little tykes.
Besides, if you don’t hasten your extinction, they may.
Of course, your tendency will be to put off the inevitable as long as possible. People are greedy; they always want to breathe a little longer. But that’s not fair, Mr. Rich Guy or Gal. We can’t have millions of corpses piling up all at once the last week of December, putting an onerous strain on the funeral industry and the obit writers.
No, delay is not an option.
You need to die. Soon.
Oh and happy New Year!
More, as well as less, of Lewis Grossberger's writing can be found at True/Slant.
