A Ton of Reasons Why 2010 Totally Stunk
Dave Barry reminds us that the Gulf oil spill wasn't the only low point
By Kate Seamons,  Newser Staff
Posted Jan 2, 2011 4:45 PM CST
"The runaway movie hit is 'Avatar,' a futuristic epic about humans who travel to an alien planet to mine a precious mineral that they believe will give them the power to emit believable dialogue."   (AP Photo/20th Century Fox)
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(Newser) – An asteroid demolished 75% of the planet's species toward the end of the Cretaceous Period—and 2010 was a worse year than that, writes Dave Barry for the Miami Herald. In fact, amid the BP oil spill, the recession, and North Korea ("the international equivalent of Charlie Sheen"), Barry is only able to come up with three bright spots for the entire year: The Yankees weren't in the World Series, LiLo spent a few days out of rehab, and Apple release the iPad, "giving iPhone people, at long last, something to fondle with their other hand." Otherwise, it was a dud. To make sure we don't repeat our mistakes in 2011, Barry catalogued every single one we made in 2010:

  • January: All the American people cared about were jobs. "So the Obama administration, displaying the keen awareness that has become its trademark, decides to focus like a laser on: health-care reform." ObamaCare-foe Scott Brown is then elected to the Senate by Massachusetts voters, "who in normal times would elect a crustacean before they would vote Republican."
  • February: From the Vancouver Olympics to the Super Bowl, it's a big sports month. Tiger Woods apologizes to us on TV, saying he "has sworn off having sex with as many as eight different hot women per day. His golf game immediately goes into the toilet."
  • March: Bad stuff abroad: Greece asks the IMF "if it can borrow 17 billion euro for 'cigarettes.'" Also, increasingly bold Somali pirates "seize the Staten Island Ferry."
And that's only the first three months. Click to read Barry's hilarious tale of woe in its entirety.