Kate McCann: I Was Suicidal After Maddy's Kidnapping
New book reveals mother's shock, pain
By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff
Posted May 9, 2011 10:09 AM CDT
In this March 2007 file photo, released by the McCann family on May 4, 2007, British girl Madeleine McCann is seen in Liverpool, England.   (AP Photo/McCann Family, HO)
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(Newser) – In a new book, Kate McCann reveals that she felt suicidal after daughter Madeleine went missing in Portugal four years ago. "I had an overwhelming urge to swim out across the ocean, as hard and as fast as I could; to swim and swim and swim until I was so far out and so exhausted I could just allow the water to pull me under and relieve me of this torment," she writes. "I wasn't keeping that desire to myself, either. I was shouting it out to anyone who happened to be in the room."

"Somehow, inflicting physical pain on myself seemed to be the only possible way of escaping my internal pain," she continues. As for why she appeared to be so composed at the time, McCann explains that she was in shock, the Telegraph reports. "It's quite frightening when I see myself in those early days," she says. "To me I look incredibly fragile and confused and lost."