Beer Thief: I Wasn't Stealing, I Thought I Was in Heaven
Man tells police he actually thought he was dead
By Kate Seamons,  Newser Staff
Posted Oct 13, 2011 9:04 AM CDT
Is this what heaven looks like?   (©quinn.anya)

(Newser) – An Illinois man apparently believes the rivers are made of Heineken beyond the pearly gates. The TribLocal reports that the 46-year-old came upon a refrigerated beer trailer containing kegs inside and taps on the outside on Tuesday at a banquet hall in Buffalo Grove. He also came upon a pitcher. And no one else. You know where this is going ... but there's a twist.

The hall's staff found the very, very drunk man and called police, who decided he was so drunk an ambulance needed to be called. As he was being carted off he explained to police he didn't think he was committing a crime ... he just thought he had died and was in heaven. Also heavenly: He wasn't charged. (Click to read the tale of a less heavenly encounter with substances.)