Bill Maher’s Rules for 2012

Funnyman pokes GOP in New Year's message

By Rob Quinn,  Newser Staff

Posted Jan 1, 2012 5:48 AM CST

(Newser) – Funnyman Bill Maher says he's still trying to finish off his New Year's resolutions from 1975, but he's got some rules the rest of America should follow in 2012—including one for Republicans. If you liked Donald Trump, and then proceeded to like Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and Newt Gingrich, "you can still hate Mitt Romney, but you can’t say it’s because he’s always changing his mind," he writes in the New York Times.

Another Maher rule calls for a schedule change to stop the presidential election and Summer Olympics happening in the same year. "I get so exhausted watching those robotic, emotionally stunted, artificial-looking creatures with no real lives striving to do the one thing they’re trained to do that I barely have energy left to watch the Olympics," he quips. To solve America's problems, Maher decides, the country should be required to declare war on itself. "We have no money, and all our soldiers have come home from Iraq and they’ve all got experience building infrastructure, and no jobs."

Jon Huntsman must get a sex change. The only way he’s going to get any press coverage is by turning into a white woman and disappearing, Maher says.
"Jon Huntsman must get a sex change. The only way he’s going to get any press coverage is by turning into a white woman and disappearing," Maher says.   (Getty Images)
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You can’t be against same-sex marriage and for Newt Gingrich. No man has ever loved another man as much as Newt Gingrich loves Newt Gingrich. - Bill Maher

The press must stop saying that each debate is 'make or break' for Rick Perry and call them what they really are: 'break.' - Bill Maher

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