A Florida man suspected of assault told sheriff's deputies he was half-orangutan and had to telephone the "Fusion Center" about his monkey blood, the Naples Daily News reports. He also claimed to be Elvis Presley's brother, a friend of President Bush, and director of the CIA. The deputies confronted Mark Loescher, 51, in Naples last week after a woman said he had threatened her with a gun. All she'd done was mention that his car—which he sat in outside a bank—was smoking. The deputies recovered his gun and booked him for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.