The AP may have told its reporters to stop mocking CNN and Fox News for getting their initial coverage of yesterday's ObamaCare ruling wrong, but Jon Stewart had no such compunctions last night. "It was a moment of great drama and, like many of our greatest dramas, a work of complete fiction," Stewart declared. Comparing both news channels to children on Christmas morning, Stewart said the news anchors tore open the ruling like children tearing into their presents ... only to discover a dead parrot in a box.
Fox caught its error after just two minutes, but CNN logged seven minutes of "unconstitutional mandate hyperventilation." Of course, "it was very confusing," acknowledged Stewart ... "unless you read up to page four." Stewart jabbed President Obama for previously saying that the Affordable Care Act was "absolutely not a tax increase," when its tax nature was what provided the win. But Mitt Romney got the heavier hit, as Stewart called up an interview in which Romney essentially endorsed all the benefits of ObamaCare but only objected to the mandate, which pays for them. "So the fiscally responsible Republican is saying 'Don't worry, you're gonna' get all the goodies, but not the bill, because that would be taxes and that would be tyranny. Except in Massachusetts, where it worked. Oh, f--- it, just make me president, OK?'"