Hoffman Diaries Talk of 'Demons,' Love Triangle But no talk of suicide, sources say By Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff Posted Feb 12, 2014 10:31 AM CST 15 comments Comments In this Sept. 1, 2012 file photo, actor Philip Seymour Hoffman arrives for the premiere of 'The Master' at the 69th edition of the Venice Film Festival in Venice, Italy. (AP Photo/Andrew Medichini, File) (Newser) – Philip Seymour Hoffman left behind two private diaries when he died, and law enforcement sources talked to the New York Post and NBC News about what the journals contained: The writing was often illegible, one source says, as if Hoffman was writing while high. "It's stream of consciousness and difficult to follow," says a source. Another says a "fair amount" of the writing is "rambling that doesn't make sense." The actor talked about struggling with his "demons" and trying to stay off drugs. Some of the writing appears to have been done while he was in rehab, and contains "soul-searching," a source says. But Hoffman also wrote about drug deals, sources say. One says he wrote about feeling "ashamed that he was going out and hanging out and drinking" after such a long period of sobriety. The diaries also reveal that Hoffman was "caught in between" his longtime partner, Mimi O'Donnell, and a new woman, sources say. Some entries imply the love triangle was part of the reason O'Donnell kicked him out of their home three months ago. The journals did not reveal any suicidal thoughts, according to ABC News. Meanwhile, Hoffman is on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone, and his friend David Bar Katz tells the magazine that playing Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman "tortured him. He was miserable throughout that entire run. No matter what he was doing, he knew that at 8pm that night he'd do that to himself again. If you keep doing that on a continual basis, it rewires your brain."