Kevin McGroarty worked in advertising for some 30 years. His final project: a hilarious "500-word mini masterpiece," AdWeek reports—his own obituary. McGroarty, who died last week at 53, kicks it off with a bang—"McGroarty Achieves Room Temperature!"—before explaining he died "after battling a long fight with mediocracy." The obit, which the Times Leader reports was written a year before his death, continues, "he enjoyed elaborate practical jokes, over-tipping in restaurants, sushi, and Marx Brothers movies. ... He will be laid to rest at Mount Olivet Cemetery, section 7N. He asks to please make note of his new address." And friends, "Please, don't email me, I'm dead."
His big regret? That as an adult, he couldn't "rally the good citizens" of Pennsylvania "to a revolution that would force" the price of a Hershey candy bar back "to its original 35-cent market value, a dream he was not able to fulfill." The reason? "I was distracted by many beautiful women." The Times Leader notes his funeral Monday was full of as many laughs as tears. When a cell phone rang out, the man delivering the eulogy said, "Get that, it’s probably Kevin." McGroarty's parting advice: "It costs nothing to be nice" and "Never stick a steak knife in an electrical outlet." Check out the full obituary. (Another recent self-written obituary was just three words long.)