And the Sexiest Woman Alive Is ... Penélope Cruz, according to Esquire By Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff Posted Oct 13, 2014 8:44 AM CDT 55 comments Comments This image released by "Esquire" shows actress Penelope Cruz on the magazine's November 2014 cover. (AP Photo/Esquire) (Newser) – Esquire has named Penélope Cruz the Sexiest Woman Alive, and the magazine is very serious about her sexiness. The five most dramatic sections from Chris Jones' article on Cruz, which is somewhat oddly interspersed with a story about bullfighting in Spain: "Penélope Cruz lifts her perfect eyebrows from her bottomless brown eyes ... " "She is impossibly beautiful. When she walks into a room, men start walking into furniture. Up close, however, she becomes almost hard to look at, like staring into the most unflattering mirror. ... Cruz has no physical flaws, the bent noses and crooked teeth we would normally use as signifiers. Her face contains no secrets, at least not about her. But her face tells you and the room plenty about you. If you want to feel like the world’s most judged man, sit down at a table in a restaurant with the Sexiest Woman Alive." "Over the course of a long lunch, Cruz looks like a thousand different women. She flips her hair, or she shifts in her chair, or she creases her forehead or widens her eyes, and these alone are enough to transform her. It feels like watching close-up magic, an actress playing every possible part and well enough to be confounding." "Her secrets go far deeper than her perfect face. After more than two decades of public life, Cruz has managed to remain a mystery. It's as though she wants us to decide who she really is, and she can be whatever we want her to be. She might not be sure herself." The last line of the Cruz section—she had just eaten a rare steak: "She picks her splattered white napkin off her lap and rises from her chair. All that remains on her plate is a bone and a puddle of blood." Sexy she may be, but Cruz found her way onto at least one worst-dressed list this year.