When Sunday rolls around, Brittany Maynard could still be alive. The terminally ill 29-year-old, who has grabbed headlines in the last month over her decision to take medication to end her life on Saturday, has released a new six-minute video that explains she still plans to do so—but indicates the timeline is a little looser and dependent on her symptoms. "If Nov. 2 comes along and I'm still alive, I know that ... decision will come later." For now, "I still have enough joy and I still laugh and smile with my family and friends enough that it doesn't seem like the right time right now, but it will come because I feel myself getting sicker. It's happening each week," she says in the video, which People reports was recorded Oct. 13 and 14.
Maynard goes on to recount one of her worst most recent experiences, a "terrifying set of seizures" that ultimately landed her in the hospital. "I remember looking at my husband's face at one point and thinking I know this is my husband but I can't say his name." It's hurtful, therefore, when people tell her she doesn't appear sick—because she feels it. The emotional video closes with Maynard breaking down, saying that "if all my dreams came true, I would somehow survive this. But I most likely won't." She goes on to share her wishes for her mother—that she not be buried by grief—and for husband Dan Diaz, hoping that he one day has a family. People notes Diaz said earlier this month that he didn't expect his wife to kill herself on the appointed day if she woke up "feeling good." A counselor advised him that picking such a date gives Maynard "something to work toward and to work beyond." Maynard recently completed her bucket list.