There's a tarantula named after John Lennon, an extinct swamp-dweller named after Mick Jagger ... and a cockroach named after that ex you can't stand? Maybe. The San Francisco Zoo is offering the burned and spurned the chance to "adopt" a Madagascar hissing cockroach or giant scorpion in honor of that special ex-someone for Valentine's Day—and then let said ex know what he or she has inspired. The zoo is highlighting two of its less-desirable inhabitants through the adopt-an-animal program that is usually used to raise money for the care of more cuddly or attractive creatures, such as penguins, lions, and pandas.
"These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves,'" the zoo says on its promotion page for the desert scorpion. "Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. ... Charming." For $50 and up, donors can adopt a scorpion and have the zoo send a certificate and stuffed stinger to the person who inspired the adoption. The cockroach valentine that the zoo says represents "the detritus of your love life" costs $25. "With a little luck, this generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that you never have to encounter a cockroach again," says the zoo.