FIFA's ex-VP has promised an "avalanche of secrets" in the wake of the soccer agency's recent scandal, but one thing that's not a secret is how terrible the biopic FIFA financed did at the box office over the weekend. United Passions, an account of the international governing body over the decades, was released in just 10 US theaters, the Hollywood Reporter notes, and took in a grand total of $607 over Friday and Saturday—a dismal amount by any measure, but especially considering FIFA threw about $29 million into it, the Los Angeles Times reports.
Obviously FIFA had hoped to get more ROI on the film, starring Gerard Depardieu, Sam Neill, and Tim Roth as former President Sepp Blatter, but it was not to be: One theater in Phoenix where the movie debuted brought in just $9, which translates into a single ticket sale, the Hollywood Reporter notes. A sample review from the New York Times: "United Passions is one of the most unwatchable films in recent memory, a dishonest bit of corporate-suite sanitizing that's no good even for laughs." (Nope, this movie's disastrous debut is not from an Onion article like other supposed FIFA allegations.)