An obituary in the Toronto Star went like this: "If you're looking for 2 extremely large TV's from the 90s, a large ceramic stork (we think), umbrella/cane stand, a toaster oven (slightly used), or even a 2001 Oldsmobile with a spoiler… You should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch. Tomorrow would be fine." No, there wasn’t a mix-up with the classified ads. Sandy Stocks says his witty tribute to his 94-year-old mother from Toronto was the perfect way to unload "a hell of a lot of stuff" she left behind—and bid an appropriate goodbye to Mary "Pat" Stocks, who died July 1, and was "world-renowned for her lack of patience, not holding back her opinion, and a knack for telling it like it is," per the obituary. "I could never write an obit that said she was a beautiful, wonderful person," Stocks tells Canada AM via CTV News. She was a "little tiger."
Pat, who was beaten to the Pearly Gates by her husband, Paul "Moo" Stocks, her eldest daughter, "and beloved pets Tag, Tag, Tag, and Tag," also had a foul mouth, her son says. She was "highly proficient at knowing more curse words than most people learned in a lifetime," reads the obituary, which also notes her penchant for "overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber so you would never get sick." Stocks says he'd gladly share her gravy recipe, but you don't want it. The obit has since gone viral and Stocks tells the CBC the response has been overwhelming. "Everyone was going: this is fantastic—we have a dysfunctional family too but we would just never say it." As for his mother, she'd "love the reaction," but ask "how much money did you spend putting that in the paper?" he says. At the very least, "I hope she is looking down and laughing her head off." (This man's obit was just two words long.)