There is now a service for everything—and yes, that extends to the very personal act of breaking up with your significant other. Founded by two brothers in Canada who love their idea enough to market it but not enough to give their full names, The Breakup Shop will send a breakup text or email for $10, snail mail for $20, and the bound-to-be-awkward phone call for $29. Emanuel Maiberg, a reporter for Motherboard, actually paid to fake break up with his girlfriend of five years by phone (she was warned it was coming). The resulting two-minute conversation is awkward in every way imaginable, not least of all when the caller tells Angela her makeup addiction and lack of cooking and cleaning (details Maiberg provided) were turnoffs for Maiberg, but that "they sound like really easy fixes ... so I'm sure those are some things you could work on in the future."
It ends with a referral to the shop's online store, which can "help you cope with anything you're feeling during this time," per the caller. Because what we humans look for in the immediate aftermath of being broken up with through a stranger is The Notebook on Blu-ray for $25. It's not the first time someone has profited from pain, reports Forbes, pointing to Taylor Swift, who wrote a lucrative song about ex Joe Jonas who, she confessed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, dumped her in 27 seconds over the phone. At least an official breakup, no matter how awkward or painful or, well, removed, offers the closure that the "drawn-out process of ghosting" doesn't, reports the Atlantic. Arguments against it? "Empathy. Human decency. The fact that your mom raised you so much better than this," writes Megan Garber. (You can pay this woman to be your mom.)