Apple's Hot New Patent Is for a Paper Bag
Maybe coming to a store near you
By Polly Davis Doig,  Newser Staff
Posted Sep 20, 2016 2:02 PM CDT
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You can put Apple's new invention over your head!   (United States Patent Office)

(Newser) – For those concerned that the latest iPhone wasn't revolutionary enough, the latest Apple patent application to make headlines would seem to indicate that Tim Cook and Co. are truly getting back to basics: It's made out of paper, has handles, and you can put stuff in it. Or, as Apple puts it, via Forbes: It's "a retail paper bag, comprising: a bag container formed of white paper with at least 60% post-consumer content." Yes, Apple is trying to patent a paper bag. Now, to be straight-faced about it, the Guardian notes that it's a very nice paper bag, saying that, "the innovation, in this case, is how Apple intends to hold the bag together with such a high proportion of recycled material." It seems that the bleach involved in producing regular white paper bags out of recycled content leaves them fairly weak, so Apple has added reinforcements and a sure-to-be delightful handle "formed entirely of paper fibre yarn knitted in an 8-stitch circular knit pattern." That'll apparently make it feel extra soft to hold.

That doesn't slow the Guardian from bemoaning that "sadly the patent application makes no mention of a headphone jack," and the like. Which inspires a full-throated defense of Apple's elevation of the lowly paper bag over at the Verge: "Apple clearly put a lot of thought into this!" writes Russell Brandom, pointing out that the designers listed on the patent also brought us Apple's magnetic charging system. "So clearly they’re throwing their best minds at the bag problem. And this bag, the result of that labor, is (presumably) the best and most intuitive bag Apple has ever produced. What a joyous time into which we have been born!" Hallelujah. (Here's how that "boring" iPhone 7 brought about Samsung's "explosive" Galaxy Note 7.)