Samsung hasn't only recalled its Galaxy Note 7—it has stopped production entirely on the smartphone after replacement phones ended up catching fire, too. But for Josh Dickey, writing at Mashable, you'll have to wrest his Galaxy Note 7 "from my cold, possibly scorched hands" in a judgment call that even Mashable notes is "obviously questionable." Rebuking Mashable's own deputy tech editor, who has called keeping the phone "irresponsible" and "dangerous," Dickey offers a major eyeroll, noting that the danger is likely overstated: He compares what he feels is hysteria over it to the same fear that "gave us bloodletting … M. Night Shyamalan's The Village, actual tinfoil hats, and tens of millions of tweets about Donald Trump." Instead he implores everyone to "take a math break" and figure out the chances of one's own Galaxy phone bursting into flames.
To wit: He notes that Samsung has produced about 2.5 million original versions of the phone since it debuted in August, with fewer than 100 reported as having morphed into charred pieces of plastic and glass. He then compares the chance of experiencing such an explosion to those of other "timeworn calamities" such as lightning strikes and car accidents and stresses that all the phones that were going to explode probably already have. He then employs a mathematical formula that somehow involves the movie Fight Club, turning to the 1999 movie's script to come up with his final decision on the phone: "I'm keeping it." (Read his entire piece to see how Ed Norton's character helped him out.)