Roosters aren't for everyone. The much-maligned male chicken is banned in cities across the US, and now one woman in a small town in Michigan is so fed up with hers that she posted an expletive-ridden rooster rant on Facebook last week. Largely hailed as hilarious, her post has gone viral, with roughly 73,000 shares as of this writing. Denell McCaul notes that her "a--hole rooster" is such an "inconsiderate jerk" that he wakes her up at 5:30am every single morning. Even worse, he has no "snooze button," but will quiet down just long enough for her to drift back to sleep before he starts up again "with his obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows."
Mashable jokes that the rooster is the "pet from hell," but many of the 36,000 comments point out that he's simply behaving like a rooster—even if that means being an inconsiderate jerk of an alarm clock. But there's more: McCaul adds that the rooster, who is free to anyone, is "a perfect rooster if you want to start running ... around your yard ... while you're trying to get away from him." His third charm is that, while being chased off with a mop, his "student" makes him look like "an instructor of interpretive dance." "So, if you're looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all 3 of those positions FOR FREE!" McCaul knows a thing or two about chickens; Fox News points out that she owns several. So maybe this one is worthy of her profane plea. (Even animal control couldn't catch one man's rooster.)