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Guidelines for Solo Boozing

Start early, go with whiskey—and jukebox is OK as long as it's not Cat Stevens

By Lev Weinstein,  Newser Staff

Posted May 30, 2008 7:05 PM CDT

(Newser) – Being a lone drinker in a place as socially teeming as your local watering hole is a tough business. The trick is to treat the activity as a sacred art form, not as the last refuge of the social pariah, says Esquire. Its rules:

  • Start early.
  • No small talk.
  • People-watch.
  • Drink whiskey.
  • No mixing.

  • If you must mix, only a beer back is acceptable--no bright colors allowed.
  • No TV.
  • Read: Books and papers are both within the guidelines.
  • No eating.
  • If you must use the jukebox, nothing maudlin, please.
  • If a buddy joins you, ditch him. Then he, too, can learn the zen of drinking alone.

Whiskey is an acceptable tipple.
Whiskey is an acceptable tipple.   (KRT Photos)
Tom Kolb, of Phoenix, Ariz., right, and Dale Sadlon, also of Phoenix, Ariz., enjoy a single malt scotch whiskey tasting at Magnum's Cigars, Wine & Spirits bar lounge in this Dec. 13, 2007 file photo in Phoenix.
Tom Kolb, of Phoenix, Ariz., right, and Dale Sadlon, also of Phoenix, Ariz., enjoy a single malt scotch whiskey tasting at Magnum's Cigars, Wine & Spirits bar lounge in this Dec. 13, 2007 file photo in...   (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin, File)
A bartender pours a pitcher of one of the many brews on tap at the Great Lakes Brewing Company in Cleveland, Ohio on Monday, May 7, 2007.  Many beer aficionados are taking vacations which include visiting the nation's many local breweries, like Great Lakes Brewery, as well as brew pubs...
A bartender pours a pitcher of one of the many brews on tap at the Great Lakes Brewing Company in Cleveland, Ohio on Monday, May 7, 2007. Many beer aficionados are taking vacations which include visiting...   (AP Photo/Amy Sancetta)
Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Barack Obama D-Ill., takes a sip of a Yuengling beer after shaking hands in Sharky's Cafe in Latrobe, Pa., Friday, March 28, 2008.
Democratic presidential hopeful, Sen. Barack Obama D-Ill., takes a sip of a Yuengling beer after shaking hands in Sharky's Cafe in Latrobe, Pa., Friday, March 28, 2008.   (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)
Late o'clock and all alone.
Late o'clock and all alone.   (Getty Images)
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