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Chinese Adoption: Anguish Along With Joy

One woman's reflections on life with her adopted daughter

By Drew Nelles, Newser Staff

Posted Aug 19, 2008 12:46 PM CDT

(Newser) – A proud but troubled mother of an adopted Chinese girl is wondering how to cope. Diane Clehane grieves for the woman who was forced to give up little Madeline under China's "one child" policy, she writes in Vanity Fair. She also wonders how to explain it to Madeline without making her sad for her parents. "It was impossible to ignore the fact that I was getting a daughter because someone had been forced to give her up," she writes.

Praise the brave parents, one adoptive mom advised her; another said to duck the issue. Still unsure, Clehane was stung by China's Olympic opening ceremonies. “I want to raise my daughter to be proud of her heritage, but I can’t help but think that she is not from this modern, telegenic China,” Clehane writes. “She is from a China most of the world will never see.”

[Images (5)]

[Quotes (1)]

Nancy Becker and Pam Derderian, right, enjoy a moment with daughter Kali on April 22, 2002, in their Whitemarsh Township, Pennsylvania, home. The couple adopted Kali from China. (KRT Photos)

Chinese cultural preferences for male children has led to a boom in overseas adoption of abandoned Chinese baby girls. (KRT Photos)

This undated video frame grab image shows 7 year-old Yang Peiyi, the girl who actually sang during the opening ceremony of the Beijing 2008 Olympics. (AP Photo/CCTV)

This undated photo provided by Betsy Vonk shows Vonk, center, with her adopted daughters Elise Young, 7, left, and Camille Young, 10, right, in the Bell tower in Beijing in July 2006. (AP Photo)

One American mother wonders what to say to her adopted, Chinese daughter about her past. (KRT Photos)

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Chinese mothers might not feel the same sense of loss. My grandmother said a long time ago that she didn’t understand the loss American women feel over miscarriages. - Cindy Hsu

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Chinese Adoption: Anguish Along With Joy