How You Know It's a Crisis: Oprah Is Bailer-Out-in-Chief

How the Wall Street meltdown will affect our day-to-day existence, per Culture11:

• Nation's emergency lender: Oprah.
• Living in sin now OK; sharing a sleeping bag in tent city is new social scourge.
• Cloning approved to allow for mass creation of Alan Greenspans.
• Hipsters downgrade their booze from PBR to ethanol.

• Harvard still drowning in cash; alums defy sense, continue to give.
• New corporate speaking star: the suddenly relevant MC Hammer.
• National Geographic deems color photos too happy, goes black and white.
• As 'burbs turn to slums, Starbucks adds in-store check-cashing.
• Updated Monopoly game demands $200 gas surcharge for passing Go.
• Ben Bernanke's bathroom reading? Ron Paul position papers
• 7-Eleven ATMs now our most viable financial institution.

(More lists stories.)