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Fall TV Is on the Fritz

Nation of nobodies prevails to everybody's detriment

By Wesley Oliver,  Newser Staff

Posted Sep 21, 2008 12:28 PM CDT

(Newser) – Everybody knows nobody watches fall TV. In fact, Hank Stuever writes in the Washington Post, the erstwhile must-see event is dead. And “who wouldn't want it to die?” After all, come September, “networks unleash their wallop of slickly packaged hopefulness, with relentless and outdated demands.” Viewers aren’t much better, Stuever says, mocking each other for skipping trendy shows few watch.

The “everybodies” who used to collect around their analog hearths have been shooed away, rants Stuever, by a nation of nobodies who don’t actually watch television on television anymore or even full episodes. “Screw what everybody watches, and screw what nobody watches, too,” he concludes. “We're just trying to watch some TV here. Do you mind?”

Fall TV campaigns transport us back into television's not-so-distant past, Hank Stuever remembers.
"Fall TV campaigns transport us back into television's not-so-distant past," Hank Stuever remembers.   (Index Stock)
Strange things have happened to TV viewers, Hank Stuever says. The eye has taught the brain to watch commercials really, really fast, as the thumb zips through them on the DVR.
"Strange things have happened" to TV viewers, Hank Stuever says. "The eye has taught the brain to watch commercials really, really fast, as the thumb zips through them on the DVR."   (Index Stock)
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The new fall season is here! Clip it, TiVo it, YouTube it, cultify it, analyze it, blog about it, save it up or spit it out, but whatever you do, don't just watch it. And don't nobody watch it together. - Hank Stuever, Washington Post

When actual people talk to one another about what's on television, you get a sense of a sham-everybody—a group of people who prod you into feeling bad about not watching the shows nobody watches. - Hank Stuever, Washington Post

That was once the allure of the fall TV season, the feeling that there was this enormous vessel coming your way, a Love Boat on the sea, come aboard. - Hank Stuever, Washington Post

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