Everybody knows nobody watches fall TV. In fact, Hank Stuever writes in the Washington Post, the erstwhile must-see event is dead. And “who wouldn't want it to die?” After all, come September, “networks unleash their wallop of slickly packaged hopefulness, with relentless and outdated demands.” Viewers aren’t much better, Stuever says, mocking each other for skipping trendy shows few watch.
The “everybodies” who used to collect around their analog hearths have been shooed away, rants Stuever, by a nation of nobodies who don’t actually watch television on television anymore or even full episodes. “Screw what everybody watches, and screw what nobody watches, too,” he concludes. “We're just trying to watch some TV here. Do you mind?”