Decades of research show that having kids puts strain on a marriage—but it needn’t be that way if parents remember that what’s best for them is often best for their kids as well, writes Stephanie Coontz in the New York Times. "Keeping a marriage vibrant is a never-ending job," Coontz reminds. "Couples need time alone to renew their relationship."
Contrary to the thinking behind current trends, maximizing time with the kids isn’t always best for them. “Most children don’t want to spend as much time with their parents as parents assume,” one researcher says. Parents who forget their own relationship often find that “when the demands of child-rearing cease to organize their lives, they cannot recover the relationship that made them want to have children together in the first place.”