Facebook is a soul-sucking enterprise that can steal away your dependable wife and connect you with people you'd rather avoid—or happily forget, Matt Labash writes in the Weekly Standard. Users of the “stultifying” and “mind-numbing” site have “a reality-show star's unquenchable thirst for broadcasting all the details of their lives, no matter how unexceptional.”
“They do so,” Labash continues, “in the steady, Chinese-water-torture drip of status updates.” Those who develop an immunity—like Labash’s wife, who mercifully gave up her obsession—invariably look back on the dalliance in horror. Labash prefers email, where he indulges in "rivalry, and thinly veiled insults, and petty jealousies and imagined slights. Who needs Facebook friends? That's what real friends are for."