Dumped LiLo: 'I'm in Hell'

Lindsay Lohan's rotting teeth, and 44 other items

(NEWSER) - As the year draws to a close, it's hard not to reflect on the events that have made 2011 the glorious year it was. Well, almost. Writing for Buzzfeed , Dave Stopera, argues that there are about 45 things from the past year we should forget, while toasting to "a much less trashy 2012!" in the process.

1. The ton of people ready to vote for Donald Trump for president

Says her $5K bag was stolen ... with passport, probation paperwork inside

(NEWSER) - Ah, LiLo, is there no mess you can't get into? Lohan was vacationing in Hawaii over the weekend when her $5,000 Chanel bag went missing—along with the sizable amount of cash, passport, and probation paperwork it contained, reports the New York Daily News . Apparently the starlet was partying (sober, say sources) when she left her bag in a car; when she returned two hours later, the bag was gone. More»

And, not surprisingly, inspired by Marilyn

(NEWSER) - When you hear the word “classy,” surely you think of Lindsay Lohan, in her birthday suit, in Playboy—right? Well, Hugh Hefner apparently assumes you do, because he assures The Insider that Lohan’s spread is “classy. Very classy.” (And is she, as rumored , completely naked? “Oh yes.”) Her rep also said yesterday—with no apparent trace of irony—that the pictorial in the January/February issue is “very tasteful,” and that the accompanying interview “will let readers see another side of Lindsay,” People reports. Hef, who Page Six notes extended the shoot when the initial photos failed to impress him, also added that the photos were inspired by Marilyn Monroe— is anyone surprised ? More»

That's enough time to learn a lesson, right?

(NEWSER) - Lindsay Lohan checked into jail at 8:48pm last night to serve her 30-day sentence … and promptly checked out again less than five hours later, around 1:30am, TMZ reports. The gossip site had previously noted that LiLo would most likely be released after mere hours due to prison overcrowding at the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif. If this experience doesn’t teach her a lesson, we’re not sure what will... (Click to see Lindsay's various courtroom styles .) More»

'It's true. I am going to be a mummy,' she tweets

(NEWSER) - More from the Not Such Shocking News Dept : Jessica Simpson is pregnant. The 31-year-old performer today made a Halloween-theme announcement, tweeting a pic of herself dressed as a mummy and rubbing her tummy: "It's true. I am going to be a mummy," she wrote. Her first baby with fiance Eric Johnson apparently isn't impeding her schedule, either: She's agreed to mentor alongside Nicole Richie on the forthcoming NBC reality show, Fashion Star, the AP reports. Click to see a family portrait , and more photos of a clearly pregnant Simpson and her babydaddy . More»