Just Not Funny: Obama Is Comedy Poison

He's waiting until they're voted off the island

(NEWSER) - President Obama made his fourth visit to the Tonight Show last night, his second as sitting president, and told Jay Leno he wasn't spending much time worrying about his potential Republican rivals—because the GOP race is kinda like Survivor. “I'm going to wait until everybody’s voted off the island,” he said. “Once they narrow it down to one of two, I’ll start paying attention.” More highlights, courtesy of ABC , the Wall Street Journal , the Atlantic , and Politico :

• On his dislike for the Kardashians : “No, I have not seen the show. … I am probably a little biased against reality TV, partly because there’s this program on CSPAN called Congress that is…”
• On Moammar Gadhafi: The dictator “had an opportunity during the Arab Spring to finally let loose of his grip on power and to peacefully transition into democracy. We gave him ample opportunity, and he wouldn't do it.”

Is there any joke that can save the big-chinned one?

(NEWSER) - The public has largely branded Jay Leno the villain in the Conan debacle, but if there’s anything that can repair the damage it’s a good joke right? So New York magazine asked a bunch of local comedians how The Chin should open tonight’s show. Their suggestions:

• “Ladies and gentlemen, the only reason you see me standing here is I was NBC's Plan B. Plan A involved the corpse of Johnny Carson and a lightning bolt.” —Jay Black

Agreement includes $32M for him, rest for staff

(NEWSER) - Conan O'Brien and NBC have finally made it official. The late-night host signed an exit agreement that includes $32 million for O'Brien and $12 million for his staff. The deal is also believed to bar both sides from publicly disparaging each other, and to temporarily ban O'Brien from appearing on other shows or hosting his own show on a different network, the Wall Street Journal reports. Jay Leno is now free to reclaim O'Brien's time slot. More»

(NEWSER) - After months of promoting Jay Leno's move to 10pm, NBC may shake up its prime-time schedule again, moving its late local news to 10 and Leno to 10:30, the network's onetime programming head speculates. Garth Ancier, now chief of BBC America, shared his speculation with critics at the summer press tour this week in Los Angeles, Washington Post TV columnist Lisa de Moraes reports. More»

Staffers are dour, jokes are just plain bad

(NEWSER) - The days of thejaylenoshow.com being a funny site—back when it was owned by a stubborn realtor refusing “to budge in the face of increasingly desperate corporate pressure” from NBC—are over. Sadly, the URL now belongs to The Jay Leno Show, writes Seth Abramovitch for Movieline. Though ostensibly a comedic destination, it boasts content "reminiscent of a health insurance website.” More»