Paula Abdul tells the Ladies' Home Journal she was addicted to heavy-duty painkillers for 12 years until she kicked the habit last November. Abdul insists, however, that she never shot an American Idol episode while under the influence. The 46-year-old turned to prescription meds—which made her act "weird"—to fight debilitating pain after a series of neck and back surgeries. "I didn't want anyone to count me out," she said.
"I could have killed myself," Abdul said. Rehab was hell, but necessary, she added. "I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."