Snide Lexicon Names Aging Female Parts

By Neal Colgrass,  Newser Staff
Posted Aug 1, 2009 6:00 PM CDT
Colleen Delsack, 47, of Alexandria, Va., has Botox injected by Dr. Shannon Ginnan, at Reveal in Arlington, Va. on Friday, June 5, 2009.   (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

(Newser) – A humorous glossary, or lexicon of despair? Labels used to describe women's bodies at a certain age "can seem as offensive as teenage behaviour, prompting a need for strict control," Sarah Hampson writes in the Globe & Mail:

  • The Bitch Wrinkle: "Also known as Chapter Eleven (an appropriate illusion to bankruptcy, given the cost of Botox)," these parallel lines run between the eyebrows.

  • Quilting Pattern: Usually found in the lower cheek, these wrinkles "form in a horizontal pattern along with the vertical ones."
  • Vampire Dinner Lips: Thank Diana Athill's recent memoir, Somewhere Towards the End—which describes lipstick running "into the little wrinkles round the edge" of a woman's lips, "making her look like a vampire disturbed in mid-dinner."
  • Bingo Wings: Even Madonna sports this "flabby undercarriage of the upper arms," also known as Dinner Lady Arms.
  • Suitcase Knees: "They are padded and bulky" unless exercise develops "Shar-Pei Knees: wrinkled folds that droop."
For the full lexicon, click on the link below.