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Snide Lexicon Names Aging Female Parts

By Neal Colgrass,  Newser Staff

Posted Aug 1, 2009 6:00 PM CDT

(Newser) – A humorous glossary, or lexicon of despair? Labels used to describe women's bodies at a certain age "can seem as offensive as teenage behaviour, prompting a need for strict control," Sarah Hampson writes in the Globe & Mail:

  • The Bitch Wrinkle: "Also known as Chapter Eleven (an appropriate illusion to bankruptcy, given the cost of Botox)," these parallel lines run between the eyebrows.

  • Quilting Pattern: Usually found in the lower cheek, these wrinkles "form in a horizontal pattern along with the vertical ones."
  • Vampire Dinner Lips: Thank Diana Athill's recent memoir, Somewhere Towards the End—which describes lipstick running "into the little wrinkles round the edge" of a woman's lips, "making her look like a vampire disturbed in mid-dinner."
  • Bingo Wings: Even Madonna sports this "flabby undercarriage of the upper arms," also known as Dinner Lady Arms.
  • Suitcase Knees: "They are padded and bulky" unless exercise develops "Shar-Pei Knees: wrinkled folds that droop."
For the full lexicon, click on the link below.

Colleen Delsack, 47, of Alexandria, Va., has Botox injected  by Dr. Shannon Ginnan,  at Reveal in Arlington, Va. on Friday, June 5, 2009.
Colleen Delsack, 47, of Alexandria, Va., has Botox injected by Dr. Shannon Ginnan, at Reveal in Arlington, Va. on Friday, June 5, 2009.   (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)
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The names suggest annoyance, never love or fondness of the type men have for some of their parts. - Sarah Hampson, Globe & Mail

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 6 comments
NxBigmouthery
Aug 2, 2009 9:32 AM CDT
In Australia 'bingo wings' are known' as fuh-doobuh-duhs', as in the noise made when you hit a speed bag. I hope I never have call to try and spell that again.
brawne
Aug 2, 2009 6:14 AM CDT
Well, her facelift took care of the bitch wrinkle. We women wax, botox, detox, body scrub, mani-pedi, hair highlighting--backlighting, facials, derma-peel, twelve hundred bucks for face wash, tonier, eye cream, lip cream, anti-aging night cream, daily moisturizer and you fucking gravity is your enemy too--check that droopy ball sack--can't even trim your nose hairs. Shut up.
riffran
Aug 2, 2009 3:10 AM CDT
omg deebs.lol....tell us how you really feel..lmao.....you sure know how to hit close to home........sad part is.....ITS ALL TRUE.....getting old is a mean thing :)

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