A humorous glossary, or lexicon of despair? Labels used to describe women's bodies at a certain age "can seem as offensive as teenage behaviour, prompting a need for strict control," Sarah Hampson writes in the Globe & Mail:
- The Bitch Wrinkle: "Also known as Chapter Eleven (an appropriate illusion to bankruptcy, given the cost of Botox)," these parallel lines run between the eyebrows.
- Quilting Pattern: Usually found in the lower cheek, these wrinkles "form in a horizontal pattern along with the vertical ones."
- Vampire Dinner Lips: Thank Diana Athill's recent memoir, Somewhere Towards the End—which describes lipstick running "into the little wrinkles round the edge" of a woman's lips, "making her look like a vampire disturbed in mid-dinner."
- Bingo Wings: Even Madonna sports this "flabby undercarriage of the upper arms," also known as Dinner Lady Arms.
- Suitcase Knees: "They are padded and bulky" unless exercise develops "Shar-Pei Knees: wrinkled folds that droop."
For the full lexicon, click on the link below.