Look Up Exes on Facebook at Your Own Peril
He's probably gay, she probably hates you, and it could ruin your relationship
By Harry Kimball, Newser Staff
Posted Oct 6, 2009 10:17 AM CDT
A disappointed Facebook user.   (AP Photo)

(Newser) – Back in the halcyon pre-Facebook days, Elizabeth Bernstein writes, you didn't just pick up the phone and ring up an old flame. “If you went looking for a former partner, you knew you were looking for trouble.” So why it should be any different on Facebook? A survey of botched reconnections suggests it shouldn’t. "We need new rules now.”

Take the woman who got back in touch with the one that got away. “You guessed it, he’s gay!” she tells Bernstein in the Wall Street Journal. Or the ex who got told off when she admitted to being in a new relationship. Or the man who lost his wife to an old flame she reconnected with on a social networking site. One rule Bernstein suggests: “Look, but don't make contact.” Some users even friend only members of the same sex to nip any problems in the bud. Sure, there are some success stories, but be forewarned: “You are playing with fire.”

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Showing 3 of 10 comments
stacysaw
Oct 6, 2009 10:18 AM CDT
nah, that's how these reunions should end up. unfortunately, a lot (most?) of the connections are done with "memory lane and maybe more" intentions. nostalgia can too easily turn into poor judgement. (and, i mean POOR judgement.)
DarkFrancis
Oct 6, 2009 9:08 AM CDT
I have a couple of exes as Facebook friends. One even flew in to see a show I was doing. She came with her Mum. We didn't become Facebook friends to rekindle anything, we became Facebook friends because we're friends. No harm in that.
stacysaw
Oct 6, 2009 8:21 AM CDT
if you're in a steady relationship now then the ex- part trumps the former friend part. your current partner most likely will not be understanding of, "...sure we had a wild affair and left on distraught terms, but we were friends first! it's just friends!" i don't know, just guessing.