SATIRE DEPT.
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Keep Anti-Gays in Closet: Colbert
Anti-gay marriage petitioners in Washington value their privacy
By Harry Kimball
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Posted Oct 27, 09 10:57 AM CDT
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(Newser)
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Stephen Colbert had a fine time last night espousing the rights of that “persecuted minority”—anti-gay-marriage activists. You see, the group that gathered signatures for a referendum against Washington state’s recently signed domestic partnership legislation is refusing to disclose the names of the signers, the Huffington Post notes. Because “signing a petition,” according to Colbert, “is a sacred trust between you and a stranger at a folding table outside the mall.”
“If those names are released,” Colbert continues, folks would know “their orientation about other people’s sexual orientation. And that’s a very personal thing.” Oh, you might say “they chose to sign this petition. But folks, I don’t believe it is a choice. I believe you’re born thinking gays don’t have the right to get married.” And “the gays have no right to out these people.” So Washington voters should just affirm the law, “because then no one will care who signed the petition” and “these people can stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.”