State of the Union, Steve Jobs-Style
Consummate pitchman shows Obama how it's done
By Kevin Spak,  Newser Staff
Posted Jan 25, 2010 12:31 PM CST
Apple CEO Steve Jobs smiles as he receives a standing ovation at an Apple event in San Francisco, in this Sept. 9, 2009 file photo.   (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma, File)

(Newser) – Barack Obama’s State of the Union address is scheduled for January 27, the same day Steve Jobs will unveil his “latest creation.” Coincidence? Of course not! Jobs is delivering the speech, and Slate has a early draft:

  • “We made a stimulus package. It had the most features of any stimulus package we’ve ever created... But you know what? It wasn't enough. So today, we're introducing Stimulus 2GS, and it's sleeker than any economic recovery package ever created. And it's super easy to use.”

  • “The 2010 Afghanistan war is newer, better, and cheaper. Want to see what it looks like?” (DELIRIOUS SCREAMS) “Okay, let me call up iMovie. See those drones? They've got multi-touch, 3G, and augmented reality terrorist locators. Starting tonight, you can buy them on”
  • “Also, climate change. We're gonna fix that, too. People say it's hard, but we've got it down to two easy steps: Cap. Trade. (STANDING OVATION) Amazing, right?”