Hey, Guys: Here Are 100 Things You're Doing Wrong

Things you really need to know about penis jokes and shoes
By Kate Seamons,  Newser Staff
Posted Apr 24, 2010 5:11 AM CDT
Cliche alert!   (©tanjila)

(Newser) Esquire celebrates all things female in its cleverly named "Women" issue, and it tries to do right by the ladies of the world by telling men all the things they're doing wrong. Straight from the mouth of the fairer species, Esquire collected 1,000 tips—and shares a select 100:

  • No. 10: Roses are cliche. When in doubt, go with a bouquet of lilies.
  • No. 51: Joking to us about your penis size makes us uncomfortable. Every single time.
  • No. 109: "Hey, you awake?" is not a form of foreplay.

  • No. 111: When you offer to pay for something, and we decline, insist.
  • No. 382: Six words: Old Spice High Endurance Pure Sport.
  • No. 476: If you own more shoes than we do (those designer sneakers included), it's not going to work.
  • No. 511: After sex, please put on boxers and a T-shirt. The T-shirt-only look doesn't cut it.
  • No. 661: Playfully pinch our "muffin top" and you will likely be booted to the curb.
Click here for more pearls of wisdom.

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