10 Ways to Save Whitney's Awful Tour

The former diva really needs some help
By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff
Posted May 1, 2010 3:38 PM CDT
Whitney Houston performs at Saitama Arena in Saitama, near Tokyo, Japan, Thursday, Feb. 11, 2010.   (AP Photo/Shizuo Kambayashi)
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(Newser) – Whitney Houston’s comeback tour is a disaster. Her voice is giving out (she blames a bad air conditioning unit), and critics say she’s not even close to regaining her former glory. How can she step it up? Ami Angelowicz offers a 10-step plan, on The Frisky:

  • Hire Justin Bieber as the opening act: This one is just plain self-explanatory.
  • Utilize costumes, props, and stunts: Perhaps she should try “dropping down from the ceiling in a hot air balloon. Anything to distract from her piss poor vocals.”

  • Donate the proceeds to charity: If she turns it from Whitney Houston’s "Singing Badly 2010 Tour” to “Whitney Houston’s ‘We Are The World 2010 Tour,’” fans might forget that “they wasted $200 to hear you sputter.”
  • Write a tell-all: Then “release it in mid-tour, and cancel the remaining dates to promote it. You know you’d read it.”
  • Lip sync: If all else fails…
For the other five steps, click here.

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