Today's doozy from the annals of brilliant criminals: Cops in New Jersey say a 23-year-old and her boyfriend stole a laptop from a parked car. Then, according to police reports, things got interesting: They sped away, promptly crashed into a tree, then tried and failed to set the car on fire (with flaming paper towels). When that failed, they ran in separate directions. Boyfriend stole a van, then tried and failed to set that on fire, too, reports nj.com.
Girlfriend, who broke her arm in the original crash, made her way home, where her parents took her to the hospital. To cover up the crash (of her father's car), she told police there that she had been carjacked. Then she changed her story to say she had picked up a male prostitute and was performing oral sex on him when he crashed. “Neither story held up to scrutiny," says the police report. Burglary, theft, aggravated arson, and filing a false report are now among the charges.