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Apple, Get Over 'Simpering Windbag' Chris Martin

He does nothing for the brand, and his band is awful

By Evann Gastaldo,  Newser Staff

Posted Sep 2, 2010 10:00 AM CDT

(Newser) – Apple held a special event yesterday, rolling out a new iPod Touch, among other things—but there was one problem. “The problem was the singer Steve Jobs invited on afterwards. The problem was Chris Martin,” writes Milo Yiannopoulos in the Telegraph. Apple has long had an “inexplicably close relationship with The Most Boring Band In The World and its simpering windbag frontman,” and it just makes no sense. Next to Apple’s sleek products, Martin looks like, well, what he is: scruffy, uninteresting, and dated.

And why in the world would the Coldplay frontman want to get in bed with Apple? He “never misses an opportunity to slam big, bad old corporate America in favor of … well, name a poor country" (an attitude that Yiannopoulos finds passé). Apple is, after all, “a massive, multinational media corporation that's exercised a stranglehold on multiple markets." Maybe it’s time for Martin to go "back to his organic muesli with his tail between his legs."

Chris Martin of Coldplay performs at Apple announcement in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 1, 2010.
Chris Martin of Coldplay performs at Apple announcement in San Francisco, Wednesday, Sept. 1, 2010.   (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)
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Steve Jobs introduces Coldplay's Chris Martin at the Apple music event.   (TheColdplayvideo)

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Ruining the odd iPod advert with Coldplay's unspeakable banalities apparently isn't enough for Steve Jobs, so he invited Martin on stage yesterday.
- Milo Yiannopoulos

Is it just me, or is Coldplay massively off-brand for Apple? What was Steve Jobs thinking, inviting this scruffy weirdo to welcome in some of the sleekest products Apple has ever shipped?
- Milo Yiannopoulos

Surely it's time for Apple's marketing department to delete this creepy vegetarian's number from their rolodexes? Let's send Martin back to his organic muesli with his tail between his legs.
- Milo Yiannopoulos

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 19 comments
Tony Martin
Sep 27, 2010 4:48 PM CDT
Steve Jobs and Chris probably swapped some vegan recipes backstage.
NxBigmouthery
Sep 2, 2010 6:08 PM CDT
I dunno why there's such surprise. He did name his firstborn after the company, after all.
tinroof
Sep 2, 2010 5:37 PM CDT
Coldplay is a great band and Chris Martin is a great artist!

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