Madge-Jesus Fling Is—Get This— a Sham: Pals

Plus, trouble in paradise for Madonna and Jesus

(NEWSER) - Robert Redford married longtime girlfriend Sibylle Szaggars in Germany this weekend, E! reports. The actor and the painter, who met in the early '90s at a Sundance Film Festival event, married in a small private ceremony conducted in Szaggars’ native German, according to a local newspaper. It is the second marriage for Redford, who has three children from his first marriage. Elsewhere: More»

Some, like Speidi and Paris Hilton, are just so obvious

(NEWSER) - Some celebrities should probably never be allowed around a child—let alone allowed to have one of their own. “That means you, Heidi and Spencer,” writes Jen Genova on Babble . The 9 other power couples who should really, really not add to their family units:

1. No matter how adorably in love Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are, it's still creepy "that his step-daughters had major crushes on him."
2. Dear Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry: "We have about oh, zero interest in tuning into a show called My Fair Brady and Baby."

Wait, they were still dating? Yep, but Jesus Luz called it off

(NEWSER) - Though you may have long ago tried to forget that 51-year-old Madonna was dating 23-year-old Jesus Luz, you can now officially forget: It's over. The perhaps surprising part of the news? It was her Brazilian boy toy who called it quits, thanks to their age difference and the fact that they have nothing in common, the Chicago Sun-Times reports, adding that the split was amicable. Whew! More»

For video, Lourdes dresses as mom circa 1984

(NEWSER) - No wonder Madonna needed 11 suites and 25 rooms at the Tel Aviv hotel where she stayed for the Israeli finale of her Sticky & Sweet Tour—the material girl's entourage included chef, four children, boy toy Jesus Luz, and a private jet's worth of exercise equipment, the New York Post reports. The exercise gear is for Madge to step up her already grueling exercise regimen to train for an ultra-marathon. More»

Plus, Jesus Luz is still around and Jeremy Piven still isn't over sushi poisoning

(NEWSER) - If Levi Johnston’s goal is to break into Hollywood, he got at least a toe in the door last night: My Life on the D-List star Kathy Griffin brought him along as her date to the Teen Choice Awards, E! reports. “Long-distance relationships are not easy, especially when he's in his igloo and I'm in my Hollywood tower," Griffin said of Bristol Palin’s babydaddy. Elsewhere:

• Sculptor Daniel Edwards has a history of, er, interesting subject matter. Past works have included Britney Spears giving birth, Suri Cruise’s baby poop, and a pregnant Paris Hilton’s autopsy, ABC News reports. His latest: A completely nude Angelina Jolie breastfeeding her twins, meant to raise awareness of public nursing.