Brit Still a Mess, Literally

Paris Hilton isn't the first one to grasp at straws

(NEWSER) - Paris Hilton really, really thought that cocaine in her (er, a friend's ) purse was chewing gum . In her honor, PopEater lists nine more equally ridiculous tall tales celebs have dreamed up when they needed an excuse:

• Britney Spears: Why did she drive with her infant son on her lap instead of in a car seat? Because that's how they do it where she's from, she once explained: "I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive. We're country."
• Eddie Murphy: He was spotted with a hooker in his car, but only because he has a soft spot for prostitutes. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out," he explained, insisting that he pulled over because the woman (who actually turned out to be a transsexual) was crying.

You can't make this stuff up...

(NEWSER) - Celebrities say the darndest—and sometimes the stupidest—things. The Stir rounds up 15 that fall into the latter category:

• Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
• Brooke Shields: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
• Paris Hilton: "What's Wal-Mart, do they sell, like, wall stuff?"

Could you survive on strawberries, lettuce, and edamame?

(NEWSER) - Snooki of the Jersey Shore is going on a cookie diet—which sounds downright yummy compared to some of the other crazy diets she and her fellow celebrities have tried. (In high school, Snooks would “suck on ice cubes for hours” instead of eating, a friend says.) The Frisky found 9 more similarly insane-sounding regimens:

• Mariah Carey: Her purple food diet involves eating grapes, plums, beetroots—and nothing but—for three days each week.
• Victoria Beckham: Insisted the Spice Girls subsist on strawberries, lettuce, and edamame; now, when she goes to lunch with Katie Holmes, they split a small salad—sans dressing.

Pamela Anderson not a fan of Kate Gosselin, and more

(NEWSER) - Everyone apparently hates Kate Gosselin, and that includes fellow Dancing With the Stars competitor Pamela Anderson. In their honor, the Frisky lists the 10 best reality show rivalries:

• Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie: The rivalry that all others aspire to. After starting The Simple Life as besties, they had a tiff during Season 4 and had to film the rest of the season separately. Awkward!
• Ali Fedotowsky and Vienna Girardi: Not only did they both vie for Jake Pavelka on The Bachelor, they just plain fought with each other, too. Vienna got Jake—but Ali got her own season of The Bachelorette.

Some, like Speidi and Paris Hilton, are just so obvious

(NEWSER) - Some celebrities should probably never be allowed around a child—let alone allowed to have one of their own. “That means you, Heidi and Spencer,” writes Jen Genova on Babble . The 9 other power couples who should really, really not add to their family units:

1. No matter how adorably in love Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are, it's still creepy "that his step-daughters had major crushes on him."
2. Dear Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry: "We have about oh, zero interest in tuning into a show called My Fair Brady and Baby."