Why Your New Year's Resolutions Will Fail

A love for bad champagne and mini hot dogs will help

(NEWSER) - Ahh, New Year’s Eve. A holiday filled with inappropriately sparkly dresses and unnecessarily large quantities of tiny, tiny appetizers. On the Huffington Post , Alida Nugent lists 10 things you’ll need to get through “this sloppy and not-really-monumental occasion”:

• That cocktail dress: In addition to the sparkles, it must be really, really short. “Because it’s winter!” And who doesn’t want to “keep pulling [it] down because it’s freezing and the dress doesn’t fit but the style is right on!”
• An affinity for the cheap champagne hangover: “I’ve never met one person who has ever said ‘Yes, I drank a bottle and a half of champagne and the next morning I hopped out of bed joyously and ran around and did splits.’”

Rove has suggestions for everyone in Washington this new year

(NEWSER) - With the New Year mere hours away, Karl Rove offers up some 2010 resolutions for the White House in the Wall Street Journal. They go a little something like this:

• Barack Obama should worry less about making everyone think he agrees with them, and more about meaning what he says. “He didn’t last year with all those health care deadlines and tough talk about supporting the public option.” Oh, and "A little more grace toward his predecessor would help him."

Don't quit smoking, start e-smoking, and other easy outs

(NEWSER) - Gawker knows you can’t keep those virtuous New Year’s resolutions, so it’s come up with some substitutions. They won’t make you “a better person,” but are at least achievable. Herewith, from Brian Boylan:

• Lose weight: That's too hard; "we live in a fat world." Instead, bulk up, "get on The Biggest Loser," and voila! "Fame, fortune, and a trainer to help you lose all the weight."
• Quit smoking: Also too hard. "Get one of those electronic cigarettes," and then you can "smoke" inside.

Far less clear is how much exercise is best for physical health

(NEWSER) - If the goal of your exercise program is better mental health, a new study shows that even 20 minutes a week of sports, gardening, or housecleaning may be enough to boost your mood. But if you want to improve your cardiovascular fitness, lose weight, or reduce your risk of life-threatening diseases, figuring out the best amount of exercise becomes much trickier, the New York Times reports. More»