Silvio Berlusconi is not guilty of all the sexytime you hear about—not that there's anything wrong with it, he says, but because he's just too old. "Even though I am a little brat ... 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30-year-old," he says in an interview with La Repubblica. "It's too much for anybody."
Besides that, he's got a girlfriend—albeit a conveniently secret one he won't name—and having all that alleged sex with all those alleged hookers would cause trouble. "She would have ripped my eyes out." Rather, "the girls were just shaking a leg in the disco—alone, as I've never liked dancing." And besides that, "How can it be that someone pays for a sexual performance via bank transfer?" So that's all cleared up. Berlusconi's trial begins April 6, notes the AP. (Read more Silvio Berlusconi stories.)