A thousand apologies for denying you coverage of this hilarious Colbert Report bit until noon. Stephen Colbert apologized, too, last night: for deciding to not touch the Arnold Schwarzenegger love child scandal. "It's a private matter between Arnold, and his family, and his other family ... we have more important things to talk about. Like oil subsidies." And Colbert tries really hard to cover that ... by explaining the Senate's big oil bill would have eliminated $21 billion in subsidies over a decade. Hmm. A decade. He slows down ... then erupts.
"Ten years! Ten years ago? And Maria never knew? No, Colbert! You're better than this!" And then he gets better. Among his hilarious comments: "NO ONE knew? No one knew it was his kid? It was probably born with a 40-inch chest. He probably shot his way out. Hasta la vista, placenta!" And our favorite: "Now we know why he was always smoking cigars. Each one could have been celebrating the birth of another secret child." (Read more Stephen Colbert stories.)