5 Craziest Crimes of the Week

Including would-be car thieves who couldn't drive a stick
By Newser Editors,  Newser Staff
Posted Jan 17, 2014 5:56 AM CST
Updated Jan 17, 2014 8:15 AM CST
5 Craziest Crimes of the Week
For car thieves, a lesson in how to drive a stick is probably a wise investment.   (Flickr)

Hapless car thieves and the Florida shooting over movie texts are among the cases causing a double-take from the police blotter this week:

  • Would-Be Crooks Stymied by Door, Stick Shift: Two stories this week showcase would-be criminals thwarted by ... themselves. One involves car thieves in Massachusetts who apparently need a lesson in the manual transmission, and the other is about a burglar who didn't understand the distinction between "push" and "pull."
  • 'Stand Your Ground' Eyed in Florida Movie Shooting: Chucking popcorn at an elderly guy may not sound like a valid reason for gunning a man down, but the retired police captain charged with murder in an argument about movie theater texting happens to be both 71 and in Florida so he might just have a case under the state's Stand Your Ground law.

  • 'Swiss Cheese Pervert' Suspect Caught in Philly: It's not every crime story that involves the phrase "indecent acts with dairy products," but this one involves a suspect called the "Swiss Cheese Pervert." Philadelphia police arrested a 41-year-old man accused of harassing women in exceedingly creepy fashion.
  • Priceless Plant Stolen From Garden: Thieves who struck in London will need some serious green thumbs or their priceless loot won't be worth a cent. Someone dug up a tiny water lily from the Royal Botanic Gardens, and it happens to be one of the world's rarest (and tough-to-grow) plants.
  • Shopper, 77, Charged With Express Lane Assault: The sign said 20 items or less, so 77-year-old William Golladay started counting. When the shopper ahead of him placed 22 items on the belt at a Florida Walmart, police say Golladay wigged out on the 65-year-old man.
Click for more crazy crimes, including a man who police believe was murdered after a disagreement over a chess move. (Read more crime stories.)

We use cookies. By Clicking "OK" or any content on this site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. Read more in our privacy policy.
Get the news faster.
Tap to install our app.
Install the Newser News app
in two easy steps:
1. Tap in your navigation bar.
2. Tap to Add to Home Screen.