John Mayer Gets Dirty With Rolling Stone

If there’s one thing John Mayer can be counted on for, it’s fun quotes about masturbation. Yes, he’s back—and discussing Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, even Tiger Woods—in a Rolling Stone article previewed by PopEater. Some of the better, not-appropriate-for-children, quotes:

• What he wants in a life partner: “The Joshua Tree of vaginas.”
• What he wants right now: “All I want to do now is f--- the girls I’ve already f---ed, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them.”
• On his sexuality: “I’ve never slept with a man. But I get it. I’ve seen pictures of men on the Internet that are sexier than pictures of most women.”

• On his constant rejection by women: “Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
• On his strange relationship with the paparazzi: “I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream, too. I can’t even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who’s grinding on me, ‘We can’t do this right now, because there’s a guy over there taking pictures.’”
• Advice for Tiger Woods: “If Tiger Woods only knew when to jack off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.”
• Remembering Jen: “I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life.”

(More John Mayer stories.)