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Hoarders' Kids Grapple With Messy Pasts

Some rarely return to childhood homes, face rifts with parents

By Matt Cantor,  Newser Staff

Posted May 12, 2011 5:26 PM CDT

(Newser) – Growing up with parents who hoard can mark a child for life—whether they’re compulsively neat, embarrassed to have friends over, or end up hoarders themselves. It can also lead to rifts between kids and parents, the New York Times learns in a series of interviews. “They grew up in this difficult environment and naturally came to resent it,” says an expert. “But at the same time, these are your parents and you have to not only respect and love but take care of them. What happens when they get old?”

That caretaking can mean pushing hoarding parents to clean up—something they may resent. “She wouldn’t let you help—that’s what’s so frustrating,” said one woman, who was barred from her mother’s home for “eight or nine years” before the mother died. Children of hoarders may also struggle with basic cleanliness. “Without a role model, how can one learn what is valuable and what is not?” the expert asks. Meanwhile, it can make relationships difficult, the Times notes, when one partner tells another “you can never visit my parents’ house.”

A scene from the season premiere of the A&E show Hoarders.
A scene from the season premiere of the A&E show "Hoarders."   (AP Photo/HO, Screaming Flea Productions)
Gordon and his wife are shown in a scene from the season premiere of the A&E show Hoarders.
Gordon and his wife are shown in a scene from the season premiere of the A&E show "Hoarders."   (AP Photo/HO, Screaming Flea Productions)
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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 12 comments
Lioness
May 12, 2011 10:03 PM CDT
Hoarding is an illness I will never understand.  I hate clutter- I look at those houses on that show and I think how crazy I'd go.  But I know it's not about the clutter, it's about control...  I wonder how common hoarding is in other parts of the world- somehow I think it's mainly an American problem, but I could be wrong.  We sure are taught to love 'things' here...
finkster
May 12, 2011 8:57 PM CDT
I think they're generalizing about all us hoarders.  I have always been clean and have taught the values of hygiene to my children. Of course we don't always see eye to eye since I can't always see them through the walls of junk I've stored in my home.  But they can always find their way to the kitchen and bathroom with the passage ways I've constructed That being said....where the hell did I put my T.V.!!!
fancygapva
May 12, 2011 7:48 PM CDT
Hoarding is a symptom of mental illness. Certainly it can make life difficult, but likely the mental illness affects the children of hoarders more basically than the hoarding. My mother was mentally ill, and in later life, a hoarder. Due to breeches caused by the mental illness, I only heard about the hoarding after she died. I never witnessed it. I did help a friend clean up his hoarder mom's house after she died. I certainly wouldn't want my children to have to clean up such a mess after I'm gone.
 

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