The Awful Truth About March Madness

You will lose to a 7-year-old
By Kevin Spak,  Newser Staff
Posted Mar 14, 2012 12:14 PM CDT
John 'Big Nut' Peters, fan of the Ohio State Buckeyes, holds up a sign which reads 'March Madness' against the Michigan State Spartans during the Final Game of the 2012 Big Ten tournament.   (Getty Images)

(Newser) – March Madness is fun and all, but it's also increasingly "a pressurized, almost compulsory national quiz show" laments Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal. With bracket deadlines looming, here are some things to keep in mind to keep you sane:

  • No matter how much you know about basketball, "you will lose to someone who has never watched an NCAA basketball game in his or her life. You will also lose to a 7-year-old, a golden retriever, and a lobster."
  • You don't have to skip work. "If your company didn't want you to watch the NCAA tournament at work, they would never have given you a computer, pom-poms, and a frozen margarita machine under your desk."

  • If you screw up, you can always change your picks. "This is what your boss has done for years."
  • "Yes, 'Bracketology' is a word. But it is also a felony to say 'Bracketology.'"
  • The early "First Four" games are "like that 4pm office 'brainstorming' meeting … half baked and utterly optional."
  • Even if your bracket goes down in flames, next week you'll inevitably be swept up in following a lovable school you've never heard of before.
  • "Of course, days later, that lovable school … will get smoked by 40 by Kentucky."
Speaking of Kentucky, President Obama put them in his Final Four, in his annual pick-em session on ESPN. Head to Bleacher Report for analysis of the president's picks. Or click for Gay's full column.

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