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Why I Want My Mother to Die

Michael Wolff on the horrors of the 'no-exit state'

By Kate Seamons,  Newser Staff

Posted May 21, 2012 1:59 PM CDT | Updated May 26, 2012 7:50 AM CDT

(Newser) – Brace yourself: In a remarkable cover piece for New York, Newser founder Michael Wolff invites us into his "unimaginable life"—a reality that's as ubiquitous as it is heart-wrenching. Wolff, in his 50s, has had a front-row seat to his 86-year-old mother's "horror show" for the past year and a half, in which she has been rendered unable to walk, talk, or care for herself, devoid of a short-term memory, and stripped of her dignity. Her care clocks in at $17,000 a month, and the long-term care insurance that she had the foresight to purchase pays for less than a third of that. "This is not just a drawn-out, stoic, and heroic long good-bye. This is human carnage," writes Wolff, and it's left him with "a crushing sense of guilt for keeping her alive."

We hail the medical advances that fuel longevity, but "almost nobody sees this for its ultimate, dismaying, unintended consequence: We have created a new biological status held by an ever-growing part of the nation, a no-exit state that persists longer and longer, one that is nearly as remote from life as death, but which, unlike death, requires vast service, indentured servitude really, and resources." It's left him wishing the so-called death panels truly did exist. "Perhaps they should have been called deliverance panels," he writes. "What I would not do for a fair-minded body to whom I might plead for my mother’s end." And though Wolff devised Newser to tell you everything you need to know in just two paragraphs, you'd be well-served to read his entire piece, which introduces you to his charismatic mother and walks you through her decline and the decisions Wolff and his siblings have made throughout it.

We make certain assumptions about the necessity of care, writes Wolff.
"We make certain assumptions about the necessity of care," writes Wolff.   (Shutterstock)
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If you eliminate smokers, drinkers, other substance abusers, the obese, and the fatally ill, you are left with a rapidly growing demographic segment peculiarly resistant to death’s appointment—though far, far, far from healthy.

Since, like my mother, I can’t count on someone putting a pillow over my head, I’ll be trying to work out the timing and details of a do-it-yourself exit strategy. As should we all.

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COMMENTS
Showing 3 of 66 comments
iq145
Jan 27, 2013 2:50 PM CST
"Why i want my mother to die"? Is this guy japanese?: http://www.newser.com/story/161441/japan-official-sick-old-folks-should-hurry-up-and-die.html If i had 10 million dollars, i'd give it up to have my Mom alive again!
Caps
May 26, 2012 12:46 PM CDT
You never know what a difficult decision that is until you are faced with it.
Artemesia
May 26, 2012 11:37 AM CDT
It isn't about the government making such decisions.  It is about the right of individuals to decide how they will end their lives.  I hope when I reach this point, I am in Oregon.  The one drawback of 'right to death' is that just like happened when we decided we couldn't incarcerate crazy people, all support was withdrawn by the callous right wing for community based mental health support.  If we have right to death written into law, I am sure the greedheads who run the country will make sure that there is no public support for care for those who are elderly and ill -- they can just go ahead and die or suffer.
 

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