Today's Best Read: NYT's Review of Guy Fieri's Eatery
Pete Wells' takedown of the restaurant is, in a word, amazing
By Kate Seamons, Newser Staff
Posted Nov 14, 2012 10:18 AM CST
"Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?" Pete Wells   (AP Photo/Michael Dwyer)

(Newser) – If you haven't seen the New York Times' review of Guy Fieri's new Times Square restaurant on your Facebook feed today ... well, you probably haven't checked Facebook yet. Pete Wells' evisceration of Guy's American Kitchen & Bar is generating more than a little buzz, and for good reason. It's a scathing takedown of a high-profile chef, and it proves the English language is still delightfully alive. Some of the choicest lines, including the review's opener:

  • "Guy Fieri, have you eaten at your new restaurant in Times Square?"

  • "What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?"
  • "Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?"
  • "Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret—a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers—called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?"
  • "When you hung that sign by the entrance that says, WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!, were you just messing with our heads?"
  • "And when we hear the words Donkey Sauce, which part of the donkey are we supposed to think about?"
  • "SERVICE: The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant."
The thing is, pretty much every line is priceless. The review deserves to be read in its entirety.

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Nov 14, 2012 7:43 PM CST
I just figured it out. JUST figured it all out. It's a setup fellas. They are gonna do an episode of Kitchen Nightmares! And this is just pre-pub! ...... If only.
Nov 14, 2012 6:24 PM CST
I have no love for Fieri. In fact, I find him pretty disgusting and annoying. I am also sure that the reviewer is accurate in his disdain for the "cuisine." I cannot, however, take part in glorifying the snarky, hateful reviewer who delights in his overwrought barbs. I find him, in his way, just as awful as the chubby, bleach blond chef.
Nov 14, 2012 4:33 PM CST
I'm a bit dubious about his restaurant based on Yelp reviews of his other places, but he can cook - - and he's crazy popular. Top rated show on Food Network. He also has some good recipes on the web (check out his chicken patties, which are awesome). His personality is a bit over the top, but he is entertaining to watch. Best of luck to him. Advice: don't just put your name on the place - control the quality.