12 Things the Movies Teach Us That Just Aren't True
Fruit stands are pointless, annoying men get the girl
By Kate Seamons, Newser Staff
Posted Nov 26, 2012 1:45 PM CST
Annoy her to death, and then she'll love you! (Case in point: Salma Hayek and Kevin James in 'Here Comes the Boom.')   (AP Photo/Columbia-Sony Pictures, Tracy Bennett)

(Newser) – Lost dogs always make it home, men bring women flowers all the time, and strangers tend to strike up witty conversations in elevators, right? Well, according to the movies, yes. Writing for the San Francisco Chronicle, Mick LaSalle takes a humorous look at a dozen truths the movies have taught him—that are actually completely bogus:

  • Outdoor fruit stands have a 0% chance of survival: Set one up, and the inevitable will happen—your livelihood will be destroyed in a car chase. And "all anyone will care about are the idiots driving the cars. It's not fair, is it?"

  • Americans all share a single post-work routine: Walk to fridge, open a beer. "Unless they make more than $100,000 a year. Then it's wine or spirits."
  • What restraining order? Annoy a woman long enough, and she'll fall for you: "This myth dates back at least to the Astaire-Rogers movies and continues to the present time with Kevin James and Salma Hayek in Here Comes the Boom," writes LaSalle.
  • All heroes drink their coffee in an identical way: Black. And absolutely no sugar.
  • It's really easy to have sex standing up: LaSalle debunks this one by pointing out that this position is actually "rather clumsy and requires a lot more mutual cooperation than it's worth—and risks lower back distress."
Click for his complete list, which takes issue with deadly coughs and accents.

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Showing 3 of 58 comments
Dec 5, 2012 9:46 PM CST
#73: Even though vampires can't see themselves in mirrors, they are always perfectly groomed. #74: You can be a split second away from death in the hospital bed, but if the missing serum/drug/antidote/monkey-DNA is found and injected, you will be up and around within a couple of seconds.
Nov 27, 2012 11:06 AM CST
These movies aren't trying to "teach" us anything. They're trying to entertain us. What the hell? They're movies! If movies were exactly like our own lives, no one would pay to see them. That being said, I'm astonished at how ventilation systems are always big enough and accessible enough to accommodate an escaping human. And bombs always have huge digital clocks on them. And precinct captains are always cranky. And the hero takes a beating and ends up with just a band aid above his eye. And.......
Nov 27, 2012 7:26 AM CST
A lot of sell-out films will pretend that use of the ILLEGAL tobacco drug is normal. It ISN'T! Only 12-13% of Americans still smoke. BAN THE ILLEGAL TOBACCO DRUG, NOW! PROSECUTE THE CRIMINAL TOBACCO PUSHERS, TOO!