'Catholicism Inc.' Needs a Turnaround Artist
The pope is really a CEO: Bill Keller
By Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff
Posted Feb 18, 2013 12:26 PM CST
Pope Benedict XVI waves to the faithful during the Angelus noon prayer he celebrated from the window of his studio overlooking St. Peter's square at the Vatican, Sunday, Feb. 17, 2013.   (AP Photo/Alessandra Tarantino)

(Newser) – The Catholic Church will be getting a new leader soon, and the cardinals making the selection would do well to think of the church as a business, writes Bill Keller in a New York Times op-ed titled, "Catholicism Inc." After all, the church employs more than a million, serves 1.2 billion "customers," and has tons of real estate. It's not just any business, but "a global business in distress," suffering from poor management and a lack of modernization, not to mention a few scandals. What it needs is a CEO who can "tweak its marketing, straighten out its finances, up its recruiting game, and repair its battered brand."

Keller asked professional consultants for lessons the church could take away from the business world. Their advice: The new pope should be younger and more charismatic, to begin with. He'll need to purge the church of anyone responsible for the predatory priests scandal and cover-up, cooperate fully with the investigation, and then make reforms—and publicize them—so the church's image can begin to be restored. Then it's time for an "intensive strategic review," which the church hasn't done in half a century, to figure out what direction the church will take and how it wants to look in the future. That needs to include modernization, as in tweets that don't sound like "boilerplate composed by a dutiful intern." Finally, it will be time to recruit—right now the church's "work force" is shrinking fast. Click for Keller's full column, or for an alternative idea of who should be the next pope.

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Feb 19, 2013 9:36 AM CST
(the new face...) COME JOIN US.... The catholic cult will rape your children, take your money so we can support the rapists live in their golden palaces, tell you fairy tales and scare you into believing or you will go to hell. We will continue to serve you with family advice from unmarried pedophile priests and prove to you that evolution theories were dreamed up by our own satan. And, let us not forget our Nuns (none of them have been charged yet). Keep giving us money and we'll show how to get to heaven.
Feb 19, 2013 9:02 AM CST
If the catholic cult outed all the rapist priests, there would be about five cultists left to run the prehistoric business. Then, they will spend the cultists donated money to "Polish" their tarnished image. This cult will only change if it's sheep stand up to the godly molesters. You can wrap a turd in shiney, godly paper and it will still stink. You cultists want to see heaven, then bury the cult and save the future children from their clutches.
Feb 18, 2013 8:14 PM CST
The Church definitly needs some leader to drag it out of the Middle Ages and into the 21st Century. It's operated like some old ladies playing a Parcheesi game at a video game convention. All the hocus pocus rituals seem prehistoric in today's world.