Dead Guy Writes Own Obituary, and It's Awesome Jack Holden touts his life of 'endless laughter and debauchery' By Evann Gastaldo, Newser Staff Posted Jun 3, 2013 2:18 PM CDT Updated Jun 8, 2013 12:55 PM CDT 19 comments Comments (Shutterstock) (Newser) – At first glance, John E. "Jack" Holden's obituary doesn't seem very ... respectful. Referring to Holden's death as "taking the Deep Six," it also claims the WWII veteran won "the Distinguished Fleeing Cross for avoiding numerous women who were seeking child support under unproven circumstances" and that, after the death of his wife of 61 years, he "had a number of other wives, none of which were his." Then you get to the end: "Jack Holden wrote this obituary several years ago." The charming piece, which appears on Lancaster Online, notes that Holden's life was "filled with endless laughter and debauchery," and adds that his four children "managed to survive despite being related to their father." We recommend you read the whole thing, then check out another delightful obituary.